Wednesday Hodgepodge

Have you ever spent time on a farm? Tell us a little about it. Have you ever grown your own pumpkin? Been on a hayride? Driven a tractor? Milked a cow?

I live in Small Town, Missouri, so I have been on several farms. I tried to grow pumpkins one year and ended up with one tiny one. I've been on multiple hayrides over the years. I have driven a tractor to help pick up hay. And I used to go with my high school boyfriend to a dairy farm while he milked cows on Sunday mornings. I didn't actually milk them, but I watched him do it.

What's something 'younger you' would like about you now?

The younger me didn't understand what it meant to be an introvert. She spent her whole time trying to fit in with a bunch of extroverts because she wanted to be part of the "in" crowd. But she was always miserable. She looks at me now and says, "Ah, so that's what was 'wrong' with me. I didn't know that to be truly happy I needed to be exactly who I was and form friendships (albeit very few of them) with others like me!" She was always okay with being alone, hanging out in her bedroom listening to music or reading magazines. She likes those qualities in me now. I would be her best friend. She would like hanging out with me because I wouldn't have any expectations of her. I would just let her be.

What are three things you'd like to do more often? Three things you'd like to do less often?

More often: Have a night where I can just lay on the couch and watch t.v. until bed, read, have my laundry caught up and put away.
Less often: that laundry, cleaning the kitchen (do we have to eat 3 meals a day?), vacuuming up dog hair.

What's on your nachos?

black beans, tomatoes, cheddar cheese, black olives, diced onions, shredded lettuce, sour cream, taco sauce.

What's the most random thing in your purse or wallet? Does it need to stay there?

A white chalkboard marker. No, it needs to go back to my daughter's because I swiped it from her house to use at work.

Insert your own random thought here?

My life is so chaotic right now with the renovations going on at our house. I don't think people, even my family, understand how hard this is for me mentally. My son-in-law asked my daughter why I get like this. I am feeling the squeezing vice grip of not having any order. Everybody is walking in and out, letting in flies, tracking in footprints. The dogs are barking incessantly. Every room is filled to the max with things from other rooms. There are so many questions, so much noise. To a normal person this is no big deal. To an introvert with mild anxiety this is torture. I am not just stressed, I am completely drained. It saps me of all energy to the point that I do not feel good physically. It makes me bitchy, as I was told. Believe me, I know all this and I am even bitchier on the inside. I am trying to take deep breaths and remember that it's temporary, that there are those who have been part of hurricanes and floods whose houses are like this right now with no end in sight, and to look ahead to how great it's going to be when it's done. But it still affects me, more me than the normal person. So I just need everybody in my life to understand that and give me some extra space.  I am looking forward to this weekend because after I work on Saturday morning I do not have anywhere I need to be or anything I need to do, so I can spend some time reorganizing and recharging. And it is much needed.