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One Year

It was one year ago this week that my life took a different direction, and this past year has definitely been a year of transition. But, finally, FINALLY things are settling down and I feel like I am steering my own life instead of my life steering me.

The kids and I have settled into a good routine. The older two kids, who are now adults, are living their own lives. Our home renovations are getting close to being completed. I eased back into the workforce and am getting ready to start a dream job working from home. Spring is here, and I feel peaceful.

Life is tough and we spend so much time being reactionary as the world dictates to us how we should live. But I decided I was tired of living that way. I have to live with so many regrets based on decisions made while in those reactionary moments. I've often spoken about my "Florida State of Mind", which is the way I always felt when visiting my parents' vacation home in Florida. Things weren't that much different while I was there ... I still had activities to do with the kids, a house to keep clean, meals to fix, laundry to do. But there I was just able to breathe! I was able to sit on the back patio with a book and my Bible and my journal and my crossword puzzle and a cup of coffee or a glass of wine and just BE. I was able to be present in each moment of my day. Daily life was simple: do this, then do this, then do this, then relax. Why is it that within a few minutes of being back home I was back to rushing and doing and grumbling and stress?  Honestly, I am not really sure. I think it was just because at home I was doing a whole lot of things I didn't want to do for a whole lot of people I didn't want to do them for. And in this last year I have given myself permission to just STOP!

I don't follow people on social media who make me agitated. I don't say "yes" to doing things I don't want to do. I intentionally make white space in my day to just remain calm and quiet. I don't apologize anymore for being who I am. I have allowed myself to have the solitude in my life that I so desperately need without feeling bad to those who think I don't need it. I have made a priority in my day of the things that are important to me ... caring for my kids, taking care of my body with exercise and nutrition, enjoying my home, drinking a nice cup of coffee, reading, power napping, enjoying nature, enjoying quiet, taking a hot bath, sipping a glass of wine. These were all the things I did in Florida when I was there. These were all of the things that I had to squeeze back into my regular life when I got home.

I have taken out the squeeze, and I am happier than I have ever been. It has been a tough year, but we have to walk through tough times to get to the other side where it's good. And it is worth the journey to get there.

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