Journey to Excellence

Being a mother is my most cherished accomplishment. I have made so many mistakes. I have failed my children, sometimes when I was doing what I thought was right and sometimes because I was being selfish and stubborn. I look at my four children and just swell with pride as to the good humans they are despite my many failures. Whether it's one child remaining true to herself when those around her are conforming to the world and just thriving with humor and dignity no matter what she does, or whether it's one who has suffered through heartache and betrayal again to be in the right place at the right time to receive accolades for just being who he is and to keep putting one foot in front of the other toward his future, or whether it's one who loves her husband and little boy and future baby so very much and has stood her ground to be the best wife and mom she can be, or whether it's one who daily faces his fears and weaknesses and anxieties with integrity and dignity and

Welcome back! It's a new school year for us here at Journey to Excellence and lots is happening around our house. Two weeks ago Dawson graduated from the Air Force Security Forces Academy and is now Airman First Class Suhr and a Defender in the United States Air Force. Kyndal, Brynne, Bennett, and I took a trip to San Antonio to be at his graduation. We are so very proud of him and his accomplishments! While we were there, Brynne turned 13! We spent her birthday at the San Antonio Zoo where she got to feed the giraffes. The morning started out stressful waiting for Dawson to get his Orders, but once we got the call that they were in hand we were able to relax and enjoy our day. Bennett LOVED the hippos! We had to go see them twice, and he always asks me to watch the hippo video I have on my phone. We were able to bring Dawson home with us for two weeks of working in the Recruiter Assistance Program (aka FREE LEAVE). We have been so glad to have him home. Un

The Wednesday Hodgepodge is something else I have missed doing. The questions are always fun, and the community at From This Side of the Pond is great. I feel most energized when I ... have a day equally laced with productivity and relaxation. Where were you ten years ago? It's easiest for me to think about what my kids were doing then. Kyndal was in the 7th grade. Dawson was in the 5th grade. Eli was 4 and attending the developmental delay preschool. Brynne was getting ready to turn 3. We had been in our recently built house in the swanky neighborhood for just under a year. We had "arrived". It was a busy time for us. This was also the beginning of the end ... when things were getting ready to take a drastic turn. We were not where we should be. We were not doing what we should be doing. We were trying to be people we were not. I would have done things so differently 10 years ago, because this is the time that I can pinpoint when things went all wrong.

Many, many years ago I started participating in the Simple Woman's Daybook . It was here that I made friends, shared my soul, and started my consistent journey of blogging. I desperately miss blogging. This morning I felt pulled back to the Daybook. So, for today ... Looking out my window ... This past weekend I moved my bedroom around, flip-flopped my sleeping area and workspace. Now when I sit in bed sipping my coffee in the mornings I can look out the window. Since I am upstairs, all I really see is a tree across the street, which is perfect! It gets me into nature first thing in the morning. I am thinking ... about so. many. things. I'm a thinker, an internalizer. This is why I really need to get back into a consistent habit of blogging. I am thankful ... for my life. That is truth. I have a home I love, a job I love, children who fulfill me, the most amazing and entertaining grandson ever, books to read, wine to sip. This is a good life. One of my favorite

Father's Day is a tough day for me. It's the one day each year when I am confronted with all of my greatest failures, with my weaknesses. It is the day that I understand that my best is not good enough. I spend the day thinking about all of the mistakes I have made in relationships, and owning them. But I also lament in the fact that many of the relationships were fractured when I was doing what I truly believed was best for me and my children, when I was doing things for all the right reasons. Maybe I was right, maybe I was wrong. I am sure it's been a little bit of both. I am like anybody else. I just want to be loved and accepted for who I am, despite my mistakes, and maybe even in spite of them. Unfortunately, that has not been the case in my life. So what do I do with that? I try really, really hard to remember that God loves me unconditionally, and He always will. He will not leave me, He will not forsake me, He won't even be mad at me. When I am victorio

Several years ago a lady and her son rented a house behind us. Her name was Pam. She was a reading resource teacher at the elementary school. Although she and I were not ever going to sit and have a glass of wine together, I really liked spending time with her. She was into natural healing and foods, life as education, was a Christian woman. Her son was a nice kid and my kids enjoyed playing with him. She got married to a local man, kind of known for being a zealot, and they moved away. A couple of weeks ago I learned that they moved back to town. She came into the library the other day and recognized me. She asked if we were still homeschooling, and I told her that Eli wants to homeschool through high school but that Brynne had decided to go to public school because she wanted to play sports and take advantage of the A+ scholarship opportunities for college. She told me she had pulled her son out of school, told me she no longer works for the public school system, and then almo

See, I told you that would happen. I would blog for a few days and then get busy. And now it's been a month since I last posted. So what have we been doing around here? Brynne finished her 7th grade year in public school. She walked away with Straight A's all year except for one semester grade of an A- the first semester in Science. She had a successful year in sports playing volleyball and basketball and is now two-thirds of the way through her summer softball season. Eli finished his 8th grade year in our homeschool and had a very productive year. Although it was hard on both of us with him being home alone the majority of the time doing his work, it was also good for him as he learned what he is capable of doing on his own. One of the biggest things he learned was time management. And we can all benefit from a healthy dose of that. This year I have really concentrated on teaching the kids some life skills, not only because they need to know how to do these things bu

I'm not even going to lie .. I am so gosh-darn excited about starting my new job working from home! Recently I listened to the book You are a Badass by Jen Sincero. It's a little hokey-pokey advising you to tap into your "source energy" and the power of the universe, to manifest your beliefs, and to love yourself. But, really, the book is all about allowing yourself to be positive, have faith, take risks, and believe that good things will happen in your life. Lordy, we have become so bogged down with 'ho hums' and 'I wishes' and have just resigned ourselves to the conclusion that all things are bad, we aren't allowed to enjoy our lives, and money is evil. We are a depressing lot. I remember a time in my life when if I wanted something I believed I could get it and then went out and did just that. And then somewhere along the way I became a cynical, grouchy, pessimist allowing myself to believe that I was not entitled to happiness. Sadly, I thi

I might have mentioned a time or two that this year has been one of transition. Boy, has it been. Last June I took a part-time job at our local library. I really felt that the job was exactly in my wheelhouse. It's a quiet place. There are books. The end. However, I learned some things about myself at this job, things I knew were true but didn't realize were so true. Next week I will close that chapter of my life to go back to working full-time at home doing what I started out doing 28 years ago, being a legal assistant. My how the circle of life turns. What did I learn about myself this past year? I am not a people person . I can appear to be a people person, but deep down I absolutely am not one. And all the energy I expel pretending completely wears me out. Like, I-need-to-go-home-and-go-to-bed wears me out. Small talk zaps me of my energy. I am not a talker, I'm a thinker. And when people come into the library, they want to talk. I just want them to check out a bo

It was one year ago this week that my life took a different direction, and this past year has definitely been a year of transition. But, finally, FINALLY things are settling down and I feel like I am steering my own life instead of my life steering me. The kids and I have settled into a good routine. The older two kids, who are now adults, are living their own lives. Our home renovations are getting close to being completed. I eased back into the workforce and am getting ready to start a dream job working from home. Spring is here, and I feel peaceful. Life is tough and we spend so much time being reactionary as the world dictates to us how we should live. But I decided I was tired of living that way. I have to live with so many regrets based on decisions made while in those reactionary moments. I've often spoken about my "Florida State of Mind", which is the way I always felt when visiting my parents' vacation home in Florida. Things weren't that much differe

Welcome back to Journey to Excellence. Tap .. tap .. tap ... Is this thing on?? I hopped over to Taulman Times for a bit, but it just didn't feel right, so I am back here to, hopefully, resume regular postings. I hate it when people say that, when people do that. Because, usually, I know they are only going to last a week or two and they'll stop blogging again. Let's face it: Instagram, Snapchat, and other easy forms of Social Media have taken the place of the time-consuming Blog. And I might end up being one of those bloggers that annoyingly come back for a gung ho two weeks to just fade out again. But, I hope not. What's been going on? Whew! It's been nuts around these parts! We are still in the midst of our renovation, but starting to see some light at the end of the tunnel. I am desperately hoping that in the next couple of weeks I will be able to use my upstairs bathroom. Once that is completed then we just have some finish work to do. The final project w