This election has got me, like most people, feeling a little discombobulated. I feel all out of sorts. Where are we headed? What are we doing? What will become of us? I have a sinking feeling that if there was ever a time to get close to God and get right with Him it would be now. Now is the time. I think we are going to need Him. I know that I need Him, but I think I am going to need him more and more as time goes on. What is it going to take for Him to get our attention?
He's got my attention.
I want to be so close to God that I have an unshakable faith in Him and all He allows to happen in my life. I want to be the recipient of His blessings, but also His protection.
I cannot change the world. I cannot change any other one person. But I can work at change in myself, especially that change that I know I need to make.
I have talked recently about my apathy, lack of confidence, frustration and anger. I have burrowed myself away in my home shutting everything and everybody out. It's my safe place. It's where I want to be. I look at the first half of my life and, in many ways, worry that it has not counted for much. Then I panic and feel like I don't have that much time left to make things right.
I recognize how God and I are 'hit or miss' in our time together which leaves me flailing around and 'hit or miss' in how I feel about people and situations and myself.
I find myself wanting to do this or that and change this or that, but then realize I don't really have the energy for it. I think that is because I am not involving God in my decisions so I am trying to do it all in my own strength. And that wears me out. Heck, I am not even asking God his opinion about what I should not be doing.
Take care of myself. That's been my answer.
I just feel like God wants more from me. He wants more for me. He needs me as much as I need Him.
This is a rambling post, huh? I haven't really given an answer to the question. So I guess that's where my updates will find me ... figuring it out as I go along.
But I do know for sure, God is the key.
*** I wrote this post last night as I was going to bed. This morning I picked up a book off my bookshelf that I have owned for years. I have read a little of it, but never the whole thing. I was wondering last night how I really felt about my post and my feelings and what I would do about any of it. The first chapter was about making your life count for God. The gist of the prologue and first chapter was that it is all about discipline. I decide to acknowledge God and he then provides me with answers and guidance. I have an obligation to him and He has an obligation to me. I am not alone.
So, for this first week of November, I will begin reading a chapter each morning out of A Woman After God's Own Heart by Elizabeth George.
I look forward to seeing where this takes me.